Bullying has been making headlines recently. A lot. Not even beloved icons are immune to attracting haters and trolls. It seems that with the advent of social media, boundaries of basic propriety have all but disappeared. As people are more and more emboldened by online anonymity, they grow equally emboldened to say such things in person.
Bullying can take a heavy toll, even if the words are not true, or the actions unjust. After a while it doesn’t matter what's true or not, we tend to believe what people tell us, and the unseen reality of your inner strength tends to diminish. Soon, all that remains are the painful words. I wish I could tell you that there is some magic pill that will make you bully-proof, but there is not. Allyssa Campanella, Miss USA 2011 has spoken out on a number of occasions about her struggle with bullying, skinny-shaming and self confidence during her year as Miss USA. The picture she paints is that of a young woman who had everything going for her - looks, brains, a prestigious title and adoring fans - and still faced hundreds of people intent on tearing her down.
The fact is that people will judge you no matter what you do or accomplish. That doesn’t mean you have to give them the power to tell you who you are. Between your true friends, and your own investment working through the questions in these posts, you have all the tools you need to move on past the haters. That strength is contagious. By taking that first step of believing in yourself and rejecting their scornful words, you have an incredible opportunity, not only to show the bullies they are wrong, but to become an inspiration to the people who look up to you. Who you are matters deeply. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Now, there is another kind of judgement that happens on a daily basis, and it can be uncomfortable, but it is different than bullying and we need to be carefull to treat it right. Every time you walk into an audition, or go to a job interview, or ask your parents for extra freedom, or your boss for more responsibility, you are asking these people to judge you. And they will. Its their job to evaluate your skills and maturity and reward you accordingly.
For pageant girls, this kind of judgement is nigh on omnipresent. We spend hundreds of hours preparing for a small group of judges to evaluate our character, fitness and overall presence in a matter of minutes. Any time you ask for this kind of judgement you need to be prepared to take it, whether you like what your parents, boss or judges tell you. This is a healthy part of the growing process. Its just like when you go to the gym and after working for weeks on your arms, you try to up the weight you can lift. If you can’t handle the new weight, does it mean you are a failure at working out? Probably not. It may mean you tried too much weight, or that you are just progressing a little slower than you had thought. Either way, its just a checkpoint on the road to where you are going.
So, when you ask for judgement on your character, your maturity or your abilities, take the critique and know that you now have a new tool of understanding or insight to use in your journey forward.
In short - you will be judged. There is no getting out of it. But the judgements do not define you. If they are false, they do not deserve your attention. If they are true, learn from the experience and smile, because you are just a little stronger than you were before.
Questions for Pondering and Discussion:
Who do you allow to judge you in life and looks?
Are they a force of good, critiquing your progress, or do they tear you down?
How can you turn your critics into allies to help you achieve your goals?
How can you counteract hurtful words that tear at your inner strength?
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