I hate to break it to you, but the world has lied to you your whole life.
There is no such thing as inner beauty.
Well, sort of. What I mean by that is this: there is no direct correlation between inner goodness and outer beauty. Yes, we like to think that we are drawn to good people, but who won all the popular kid votes at your high school? Chances are, it wasn’t the smartest person or the student who had volunteered the most hours. It was a pretty girl or a hot guy.
Let's be honest, Mother Theresa wasn’t going to win any beauty pageants, and neither would Malala Yousafzai. But these ladies were, and are, incredibly powerful and impactful, even if they didn’t have traditional "va-voom" looks in their arsenal. Although we know this distinction between worth and appearance exists, we still constantly conflate inner worth with outer beauty. Thats why our self image tends to get mixed up with our reflection in the mirror. Character makes you a strong person. It makes you resilient and it will see you through hard times and fuel your dreams. But it is not the same thing as good looks, and it never has been.
This critical distinction is important to recognize so that we can get away from striving for "It Girl" status, and move to more of a Fit Girl mentality. When I was in pageant mode, I met girls whose entire self worth was filtered through how they looked, partly because they were told that inner worth and character always shines through to outer beauty. This can have devastating effects. When inner worth is supposed to generate outer beauty, we wrongly allow judgements on our looks to inform how we feel about our internal and eternal value. People with unique beauty, intelligence, and skills find themselves in the back of the line in life because the inner beauty isn’t shining through like they were told it should.
Your worth is eternal and profound.
No matter if you’re battling weight problems.
No matter if you just earned a promotion.
No matter if you are having a terrible day.
No matter if you are having the best day.
Your worth is there through it all. That self worth should be a source of empowerment, and a springboard for encouraging others to see the same in themselves.
Sometimes, however, it’s easy to lose track of that inner worth because of several external forces.
#1 Biology - It is a biological fact that we are attracted to physical fitness - good skin, good teeth, firm muscles, stylish clothing. Partly, its a good indication that you are healthy - which is good. And partly, we just like beautiful things - which is fine. Deep down, everyone wants to be pretty, and I don’t mean the "invisible character" kind of pretty. They want the “I’m-a-supermodel” kind of pretty that we see in the movies, which always seems indicates comfort, wealth, status and success.
#2 Marketing - For years, our billboards have become more and more idealized versions of the human form. Businesses know that beauty sells, and as life becomes increasingly commercialized, we are told that we need more and more things to help us lead our dream life. Personal image is a hot selling ideal for men and women, and the health and fitness sectors especially take advantage of this power in order to keep people moving from miracle supplement to miracle supplement.
#3 Peer Pressure - From the biology and the marketing, there emerges a final factor, which is perhaps the strongest of all. Fashion trends are all about peer pressure. Whether its a fitness trend like Jazzercise or Pilates, or a body-type trend like the thigh-gap or bikini bridge, these trends can come and go with alarming speed, leaving us reeling as to what we are “supposed” to look like. And they often contradict each other. Today everyone is rushing to get skinny, but in our grandmothers day products like “Wate-On” sold with the promise of an exquisitely full figure.
A discussion of what makes us confident would not be complete without discussing fitness. I think that there is a great need for a revolution in how we - especially young women - look at fitness. We are never going to escape biology, marketing or peer pressure. Therefore, fitness goals cannot stem from any of these forces or they will end up being simply a burden rather than a blessing. Fitness goals must come instead from a strong understanding of who you are and who you want to be.
Healthy fitness is the kind of mindset that produces gals like the universally loved Jennifer Lawrence, ladies with a strong self-image, and a confidence in what makes them uniquely powerful despite peer pressure and marketing and even what biology says is “beautiful.” Your inner strength can shine through your smile only if you understand that outward beauty is essentially a different “muscle” than inner beauty, and it must be developed alongside all your other muscles.
Inner beauty is intangible, but we know it when we see it. That is the reason people call Mother Theresa beautiful, even though she would never have won a beauty pageant. Physical fitness is in many ways about strength. We measure fitness in terms of how much you can bench press, or how fast you can run. Inner beauty is also about strength. But it is a different kind of strength. Inner beauty is the anchor for the rest of your fitness, confidence, style and success.
Questions for pondering and discussion:
What aspect of your personality or skills make you uniquely strong?
What activities are you doing to develop these skills?
If none, what activities would you like to be doing?
How can these strengths benefit your future?
How can these strengths benefit the people around you?
What three steps will you take this week to focus on improving these strengths?
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